thewordsofclayton:

sirtarantino:

a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life

Good

(Source: sofiajonze, via intergalacticskittles)

seedy:

"haha i don’t care" 

*goes home and cries*

(via phanphanphan)

nishlo:

but the real question is has nemo found himself

(via slaytrxyler)

live-as-a-teen:

dogepom:

patickstump:

if you shame girls about their breast size i will push you into traffic

"Who’s flat now?"

whos flat now

(Source: patickstump, via slaytrxyler)

lindseybluth:

elijahkrantz:

There are lipstick stains on my capri sun

which lana del rey song is this from

(via slaytrxyler)

patterfuck:

I eat romantic shit up. If I were asked to just sit on a roof and look at the stars id probably internally combust

(Source: hexxxxgirlfriend, via misemployment)

eatpizzas:

say something i’m giving up on you

eatpizzas:

say something i’m giving up on you

(Source: alienship, via slaytrxyler)